wind to crotch

okay..sooo..do you have this problem?
do you have an air vent...sitting directly in front of you as you try and poop.
how can you relax...HOW CAN YOU RELAX.
when the air conditioning is jet bluing at you like you want to be cooled.
i know pushing is strenuous..i really do...
my poop rarely comes out like my favourite, diarrhea.
it is mainly hard and stick like and it enjoys cutting open my butt hole.

but i really do not need air conditioning blowing at my crotch to make it come out ..
as a matter of fact..i am almost positive...that the air conditioning blowing directly at my crotch..
some how is absorbed through my skin..and sent to harden my crap..so it never comes out.
i can not relax and poop when i am shivering.
i am not saying i love the hot hot hot heat..while i poop..because than it just smells awful.
well, not awful..i feel the worst smell in the universe is poop smell attempted to be covered by lysol.
disgusting.


and ...who likes to poop with their pants at their thighs still...i mean..if i did...air conditioning to the crotch..would not happen..it would be blocked by pants....
i like to poop with my pants and knickers off...i am just more comfortable that way..
especially when i have to pull up the legs to canon ball the poop out of me.

anyways...i guess i could just close the vent ..before i poop.
look at that..
i do have the answer after all ;o)

do you sit..stand..or squat

so you are sitting on the toilet...umm, not any toilet...a public toilet...that
probably...had urine stains on the seat...and you contemplated..
welll...
do i put a ring of toilet paper down...and watch it ...fall into the toilet as i hurry up..and swing around..
and push a huge chunk of wind to the seat...

do i.....squat over the seat...and hope to stand up..and walk out of the bathroom..without pee stains all over my blue jeans....

do i...bring my own toilet seat covers...so i do not have to deal with this problem...

i say...who cares...your pee. is my pee.
let us focus on the real matter...what can you do to disgust the person next to you.
do not bring a toilet seat cover with you..no...bring a little jar of peanut butter.
so you can grab some scott toilet paper that is see through...rub some light brown smooth ..and creamy...
jiffy all over it...
and whoops.

accidentally drop that mess...near the other stall...
and pick it up with your bare palm touching the goop.

hopefully you exit the stall at the same time as the person next to you...
so you can lick it off your hand instead of washing it.

;)
i told you.
i have the answers.

do you sleep...wipe..or...

ever thought to yourself..
wow...i just had the biggest crap of my life...and am exhausted..
now what...do i wipe or do i fall asleep ..sitting on the toilet as the crap gets hard..and dries to
the brown eyed monster.

and...what happens if i look to the left..or right..or in front of me..and realize...
the brown cardboard is staring at me...and is not dressed with white fluff.
i have the answer.

you wipe if you can.
falling asleep on the toilet sounds like a good idea..until you wake up ...and forget you had crapped...and you pull up those wonderful knickers you bought ...thinking they were sexy...just to have them covered in poo.
and ...if that brown cardboard stares at you...and you think..using a towel is a good idea...i will punch you.
hop in the shower..
spread them cheeks...and clap your booty to the sound of water tapping that tucas.

i told you i had the answers.