poop bomb explosion

so yesterday i get to work..everything is going great!
why? because there are no kids in the building..it is election day after all..only for big kids.
ohyes..BIG KIDS...meaning - you are potty trained....
or i would hope so.

as i walk passed the principal..he says to me....some woman made a little accident in the girls room....i am not sure how little it is...and i said..smiling, "alright, it is no big problem"..
and as i look over at the girls bathroom...fifty feet down the hall..i notice a woman..
dressed in all black...what a wonderful black satin looking jump suit...

i am like..BINGOOOO.
she is playing with her phone..probably telling everyone she knows about her "boo boo"
because after telling ANYONE about this...and admitting to actually leaving that "boo boo" there....she would probably tell everyone of this experience.

the moment i see her.
"oh baby, i am so sorry" - poop girl
"it is alright, this is my job!" - me
"mmm jesus, i made a boo boo" - her
"oh i am sure i have seen worse, it really is no problem" - me
"you have not seen what i did yet that is why you can say that" - her
"it is fine" - me
"i can help you clean it up if you want" - her
"it is fine! i really do not mind" - me
"mm baby, i made a huge boo boo..oh jesus, please forgive me...and it is just not in the one stall..i had to get up and run to the other stall.." - her
 

...good...because i would TOTALLY....while crapping my pants off....run into another stall..hoping someone else did not just walk in the bathroom...as my vagina is blowing in the wind..
AND..as there is probably a caramel creme pie on top of my butt cheeks.

 

more accurate picture of what her vagina would look like..in the wind

well. so here went nothing..i walk in..well this is not too bad...the smell is alright...

until i start checking random stalls..gooood..my favourite

what do i see.

diarrhea....CRAP EXPLOSION. 

this is what must have happened..

oh my stomach hurts..

WHOOAAA MY STOMACH HURTS.

run.run.run.run.

stall..

and pull down pants..and

whoops

yep. everywhere but inside...

pools..POOOOL. of poop. if you can imagine swimming in a thick delicious mmmm. while trying not to get anything in your mouth...than you know..exactly what i am talking about.

poop speckled onto the back wall...and blotted on each side of the stall walls...

a trail of crap along the toilet and all over the floor...

misted onto the toilet seat..

and my favourite..

a poool of crap along the back of the toilet..that i will now have the privilege of dolloping it off.

i wish i had a spoon...so i could have ..no..that is disgusting.

:O

i just want everyone to know that ..had i done this..in a public restroom. i probably would have cleaned it myself with the paper toweling in the washroom...and than i would have told someone that something smells and to disinfect something....that is what i would have done.

JUST SAYIN.

well lady. say your sorrys to jesus all you want..

BUT I HAD TO CLEAN UP YOUR CRAP EXPLOSION. NOT JESUS.

his hands were currently tied up in doing something else.

let me not forget to add...

she left while looking back at me..after getting really close in my face..with her brown eyes..and when i say brown eyes..i mean...the whites were brown...

she says.." hunny, do i have anything on my pants"

and as i stare at her black satin tucas...i say..

"yes..there is a water spot about thissss big right on your butt hole"

and she said.."oh yeah..i did that ....myself."

and walks away....

i really did not say butt hole. but I WANTED TO.

i like moving big turds

you do not know anything about me...except well...that i am writing a blog about poop.

or maybe it is just coincidence that i am writing a blog about poop...and that those were not my original intentions...

MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT.

but.. maybe you are wrong:o)

i am a custodian at a high school. - for the time being. dAAAANNNG. super fun stuff.

so i clean washrooms. mmmm, what a delicacy . 

now - dood washrooms are gross. sure, they pee everywhere...because peeing on the floor is super fun.

they spit out their gum in the urinals..because well. they used cheerios growing up.

why not gum as a young adult.

but girls. girls are fabulous.

because you would EXPECT a girl...yes..because stereotypically...they do not fart or crap right.

they just spew blood from their vaginas...hopefully saving it monthly so they can use real blood instead of fake on hallowe'eenie.

anyways.

girls love not flushing the toilet.

and not just when they turd in it.

when they turd in a red pool of awesome.

nothing like going into a stall and seeing a huge turd....marinating in their period blood

 

sometimes...i even get a pad wrapper shoved underneath the poop. so i get to move the solid turd...to get the plastic pad wrapper..that they clearly did not want to crinkle up and put in the feminine waste container thing...located directly to their left or right.

no..they would rather put ANOTHER present inside the crapper.

so that..i thank you..

i do not even know why i am complaining about any of this...

BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST BEING SOOO GENEROUS. <3.

 

that is my poop stick. 

seriously though. 

i often times..want to take a sample of the crap..and from like. dna science junk..figure out who this is...and embarrass them. because - well, i hate them. :o)

so....how am i going to turn this into i have all the answers.

well...here it is.

EAT LESS PROTEIN GIRLFRAN.

eat more mcdonalds and cookies and candy bars..PLEASE.

i want your crap to come out liquid..so i do not have to put on my purple suit to decontaminate your butt hole droppings.