opps. there go my knickers

i have not pooped in four days..this...is an issue..a HUGE issue.
so i resolved that issue..right quick.

8PM - laxatives. + 40 oz of water.

 

1030PM - a nice jog...let me rumble up all those goodies.

1035PM - i killed my jogging partner with the farts steaming out my butt hole.

 

i have owned that red hat with the face on it.. + braids == since the age of 3. i know..how can such a delicious smell come out of my butt hole when i have such a caute hat ...i think about that every morning i masturbate

 

that is what your butt hole looks like when it farts..if you are a girl. i say girl because i drew a vagina.

VAA GINNNNN AAAAAAAAAAA. i like saying it like that.

 

that is what a dude looks like when he farts. the butt hole smiles.. i have seen it happen.

i go to bed..my stomach is in rumbles..i am like...tomorrow morning will be a great one.

it will probably be like a gospel church in my stomach...

yeah..just the thought of that makes me smile.

aww. yep.

so.

i get up to go pee.

ohwhat..you do not see what happened?

 

AN OPPPPPPPPPPPPS happened. 

that brown mark. i think it is a poop smudge.

after i saw it..since my knickers were already off..since that is how i crap. no pants. no knickers.

i smelled it.

tasted it.

i just could not tell.

it tasted like thanksgiving dinner to me.

so after i peed..i kept thinking..great..if i go back to bed...will i wake up with a puddle of poo.

so i went back to bed to test my experiment.

hoping i would be swimming when i woke up..

BUT NOTHING. :O|

so i woke up and...

 

who wants to come over for a party?

 

it felt so good. so good that i took the mirror out of the drawer

and watched each drop shoot out of my butt.

everyone should get a joy watching their own sludge drip.

drip

drip

 

fondu party any one;)

drippN phlegm

as i sit here and cough up giant hard booger balls stuck in my chest..that taste disgusting.
you know how you sometimes have to do that in the morning..
something is stuck in your throat..
so you are trying..with all your might...to hack up the hard snot covered in phlegm...by contracting your throat...and trying push it up your throat..
and than..it happens..it finally comes up..
and the taste....is like...the smell of someones breathe that has had their mouth closed for a month.
yes.
that is the brilliant taste i am speaking of.

i go back to the other day...
when this happened
boogers needed to go

 

so i spit them out in the trash..

except...they did not make it...at all...so as i saw my loogy drifting to the ground

because it drifted...since spit was still stuck to my lip

 

the next thing you know.

the janitor comes out in me..

and tries to catch the phlegm ball of hard booger loogy

 

and...SUCCESS.

ohyes. if you could be successful at catching your arm accidentally spit boogies in your bare hand.

why would you not want to try.

and as it dripped down my fingers i thought to myself..

this is gross.

i should have just spit directly into the trash can..because no one was around..for me to impress...

with my booger into the trash can aim.

the next time i am standing next to an attractive lady..i will try and shoot my loogy 4 feet into a garbage pale..

and when i make it...do not be too impressed...since i practice;)

poop bomb explosion

so yesterday i get to work..everything is going great!
why? because there are no kids in the building..it is election day after all..only for big kids.
ohyes..BIG KIDS...meaning - you are potty trained....
or i would hope so.

as i walk passed the principal..he says to me....some woman made a little accident in the girls room....i am not sure how little it is...and i said..smiling, "alright, it is no big problem"..
and as i look over at the girls bathroom...fifty feet down the hall..i notice a woman..
dressed in all black...what a wonderful black satin looking jump suit...

i am like..BINGOOOO.
she is playing with her phone..probably telling everyone she knows about her "boo boo"
because after telling ANYONE about this...and admitting to actually leaving that "boo boo" there....she would probably tell everyone of this experience.

the moment i see her.
"oh baby, i am so sorry" - poop girl
"it is alright, this is my job!" - me
"mmm jesus, i made a boo boo" - her
"oh i am sure i have seen worse, it really is no problem" - me
"you have not seen what i did yet that is why you can say that" - her
"it is fine" - me
"i can help you clean it up if you want" - her
"it is fine! i really do not mind" - me
"mm baby, i made a huge boo boo..oh jesus, please forgive me...and it is just not in the one stall..i had to get up and run to the other stall.." - her
 

...good...because i would TOTALLY....while crapping my pants off....run into another stall..hoping someone else did not just walk in the bathroom...as my vagina is blowing in the wind..
AND..as there is probably a caramel creme pie on top of my butt cheeks.

 

more accurate picture of what her vagina would look like..in the wind

well. so here went nothing..i walk in..well this is not too bad...the smell is alright...

until i start checking random stalls..gooood..my favourite

what do i see.

diarrhea....CRAP EXPLOSION. 

this is what must have happened..

oh my stomach hurts..

WHOOAAA MY STOMACH HURTS.

run.run.run.run.

stall..

and pull down pants..and

whoops

yep. everywhere but inside...

pools..POOOOL. of poop. if you can imagine swimming in a thick delicious mmmm. while trying not to get anything in your mouth...than you know..exactly what i am talking about.

poop speckled onto the back wall...and blotted on each side of the stall walls...

a trail of crap along the toilet and all over the floor...

misted onto the toilet seat..

and my favourite..

a poool of crap along the back of the toilet..that i will now have the privilege of dolloping it off.

i wish i had a spoon...so i could have ..no..that is disgusting.

:O

i just want everyone to know that ..had i done this..in a public restroom. i probably would have cleaned it myself with the paper toweling in the washroom...and than i would have told someone that something smells and to disinfect something....that is what i would have done.

JUST SAYIN.

well lady. say your sorrys to jesus all you want..

BUT I HAD TO CLEAN UP YOUR CRAP EXPLOSION. NOT JESUS.

his hands were currently tied up in doing something else.

let me not forget to add...

she left while looking back at me..after getting really close in my face..with her brown eyes..and when i say brown eyes..i mean...the whites were brown...

she says.." hunny, do i have anything on my pants"

and as i stare at her black satin tucas...i say..

"yes..there is a water spot about thissss big right on your butt hole"

and she said.."oh yeah..i did that ....myself."

and walks away....

i really did not say butt hole. but I WANTED TO.