brown and red

ohyes. so i go to bed ...with a pad on..because well....i think i am going to start my period?
about three weeks ago..i start eating everything in sight...and my belly never stops looking pregnant.
which is adorable..when you are pregnant..
oh gluttony..oh jesus..please allow me into heaven..for i have sinned..over..and over..again.
hahah.

and than about 1.5 weeks go by..and i feel okay..and now i just get massive leg cramps...
i am almost positive this is because all the blood is almost ready to fall out of my vagina..
instead of circulate through my legs.
complete logical sense.

and than there it goes...spotting..kool aid...pink lemonade flavoured....coming out...
you know what that means....it is almost time...time for...

REGULARITY!!

guys have no idea what i am talking about
why..because dudes crap like 7 times a day without trying.
and if you are a chick and do the same thing..just know you have one jealous fan.
her name is reychl.
ohh..
reychl == me.

SO FINALLLYYYYYY.

every morning....i will wake up to...a full tampon....and a leaky pad.
which i prefer to pretend the pad is a blanket for the little baby falling out of me.
which would be the tampon.
see..when you think of it this way...it is way ca-uter...
ohh. like button noses on real people.
and the want...and the need...to allow my butt hole to gust open with the wind..
and allow a nice...soft...long turd...to drop.
drop like a male infants testes.

so everyone! stop drinking coffee to crap! and squirt katsup up your vagina....and hope that it acts as a placebo...so you have regular poops...ALWAYS!
answers.answers.anwers

weekend runs.

and i do not mean...runs out of time too fast....and it is now time to get back to work.

no...not at all.
weekend runs meaning...i ate about...3 stalks of broccoli...grown fresh from a garden i might add...
all that fiber....at what...midnight to 4am...
can you only imagine the gas in my stomach..
i could have flown a hot air balloon.
i could have killed germans in the holocaust ...with the gas fumes in my body.
seriously....
but what do i do when i wake up with my bloated belly in the morning...

yo...pour me some prune juice
i had never had it until that day...honestly...it tasted pretty delicious...
but i was like...this is going to be good...really good.
but that was not the end of it...i had some more broccoli...and for dinner....
an entire...14 ounce glass of...PRUNE JUICE..
not only prune juice..but i drank it with....my pizza?
needless to say....grease..mixed with fiber...mixed with whatever prune juice does to make you squirt for days...
i did it. and every time i would pee...this girl would poop a little...
but it was the ca-utest little poops ever...
how can poop be cute you ask?
well..little trees were coming out of my butt hole.

and by little trees...i mean...broccoli sprouts...were whole...on my toilet paper..
i could have washed them. and have eaten them once again...
hoping for a proper digestion this time...
but no..little happy trees. coming out of my happy place.
is that not..the cautest visual ...
yes. so when you are down..
just eat broccoli...and drink prune juice.
so you too...can smile ..at the smiling sprouts...exiting your happy place.