Friday, July 1, 2011

your pussy smells like dead fish. wait, i feel something...

have you ever shoved your fingers inside someone...and thought
what the heck is that...
of course you have not..because there are only a few people in the world that would
[1] forget to take out a tampon

[2] would put vaseline on their penis so that the condom would slip off inside someones pussy or butt hole. i mean.. PUSSY or MUSSY. ;) pussy. so cute.

just the combination ..really. just like the word. 

[3] i really think that would be it...besides gerbils...but those would be eating through your anal cavity real quick...and you probably would be dead with a rotting gerbil trying to dig its way out of your fetish body

which leads me to think..i wonder if a gerbil in the butt hole would feel like someone tickling your back.
but in your butt hole.
maybe that would be pleasant...

[4] forget they put a tampon in ...and a week later treat themselves for an itchy crotch pussy yeast infection
which..i mean..probably at this point.. would look like a yeast infection because the cotton tampon disintegrated or was chewed up by teeth...
everyone knows a vagina has teeth.

just like a penis has one eye.

both scary things to the opposite genders/sex.
that is why there are homosexuals.
one eyed monsters..and teeth. stick to what we know ;)

end of story..
just kidding.
end of story will end like this.
yes..i slid my fingers inside some pussy.
was like.. "what the heck is this"
but my face portrayed more of a questionable.happy.concerned look.
"i am going to not be alarmed okay..i think there is something inside your vagina and i am just going to scoop it out"
not my fault i can be so casual.
and as i scooped it out..
literally..i went back in twice...
as the smell leaked out of the vagina..each fingers cupped what felt like a hard brick.
and every millimeter it moved...allowed my nostrils to have a sense of encouragement.
you are not broken. CONGRATULATIONS!
a rotting mouse smell . no. let me just say fish for fun. rotten think walking passed a fish market smells.
picture a fish market where all the fish were dead. and you had to jump in a swimming pool of just dead fish.
now we have the right picture.

"i apologize for this happening..and i am not disgusted ..but this does have an odor to i am going  to go through this away and wash my hand. "
i ..of ensured i was not disgusted.

good morning...week old -- soaken wet...with a film of snot surrounding the entire thing -- tampon ;; whose pieces ..small little pieces..detached themselves from the tampon..and were having a party inside the vagina..around the fishytampongoodness

mainly because i am such a nice person.
but it was disgusting.
good thing i

Monday, June 27, 2011

is that your crap?

.."reychl..there has been an accident in the restroom across from the gym"


i ..of course...grab my mop bucket...disinfectant...and..never forget the gloves...slap those bad boys on..and we are ready for a cavity i roll this yellow bucket...whose wheel keeps getting stuck to the bathroom...i am like..great..JUST GREAT.
"i am so sorry reychl..."
yep..that is what i hear walking towards the bathroom.....and the person who said it..well could only mean one thing...ONE THING...

yes...thankyou sooo soo much...i could smell your crap before i even unlocked the door..and as i walk in...i hear.. 
"you can come is fine..i mean..he has no pants that okay?..he has a long shirt on though..."
me - " that is alright..just here to clean up some crap that i can smell all the way down the hall"
..just kidding. i did not say that..but i wanted to..because ...
it smelled..soo ..sooo bad ..and as i walked in...and got closer.closer.closer..
i coudl see ..little soft ..what resembled..Beebees...yes...small pellets..all up in the poop.
nice...brown crap...with a hint of yellow/brown pellets...
he probably ate them will accent my crap so very nicely as reychl picks it up with her hands.
and as i was scooping up the piles of diarrhea..chunky diarrhea...
i was gloves did not have a hole in them. since i forgot to check.

and as i am almost finished...i could not help myself look at this poop closely...what was seriously in it..i would have asked..but unfortunately...the man that pooped on the ground was wearing no pants ..or knickers..and 
well..i could not look at him..and ask that question...
so instead..i looked at it closer...and as the woman went to go get him new clothes...i took a picture of the poop so i could blow it up and send it into ncsi; bathroom edition

i finally finished spraying the floor and wiping up poop that had gotten in between tile..of course..i should have left it there for a little souvie. maybe the ants would have liked a little mudd pie.
he walked over to the stall..where he eventually finished dumping his load...and stepped in the other pile..
now you have crap no the bottom of your foot..which is soo attractive..but now..
now i have to clean up..crap foot prints..ONCE AGAIN.

thank you ..and i appreciate your service. next time..please eat pumpkin seeds whole so i can rinse out your poop and have a snack while cleaning up your insides waste.


Saturday, March 26, 2011

if you poop on the floor. get outta skoool.

i do not care if you are 16 years old telling me your father is the best cleaner in the world.
and that if there are hundreds of tiny pieces of papers on the ground.... he can get his push broom.
and clean them ALL up. and he gets EVERY piece of paper on that floor.
i will even seem thrilled that he does this..and overly excited, "wow, really! that is excellent. i am sure he makes you super proud<3! what a great worker".
so basically what i am saying is..i can accept, respect, and tolerate those who are dumb.
i was going to use retard..but than i was like, that may be a little harsh. no.
i can accept, respect, and tolerate those who ...yes, are retarded. 
just kidding.
special needs. :o)
not their fault their momma ate crack. drop kicked their heads.
okay. let me get to the point.
if you poop on the floor. get outtaaa skool.
when you are 16...and crapping on the floor in a public restroom. i think the time to go back into diapers is saying...HEYYYYY.

i do not wanna clean that up. 
little hershey drops on the floor. i mean, i was definitely tempted to pick them up...pick them up?
i could not do that...they were liquid hershey drops.
i mean...suck them up with a straw

better than a chocolate drop. makin me wanna pull out my straw and stop.
suck it up. drink it down. baby you just pull down your pants and take that stance.
straddle and raddle. those turds right out. because dang imma thirsty so i need you to squirty.

the best part...he did not only crap on the floor. he stepped in it..
little poop foot steps.
you know that jesus footprint , well known print..everyone - 45 and older has in their house.
yeah. i think he wanted to make brown foot prints just like jesus.
except..jesus walked in the sand. living the life.
you just walkin in your own turds smellin up your shoes.
so yes.
this is to you.
thank you very ..very..very much.
for letting me know exactly where you were off to after you crapped on the floor.
i enjoyed sanitizing every drop. and every step down the hall.

yes. [x]. and after i was done...with that.
the stall next to it..yes. had crap in it...brown paper towel. and toilet paper.
naturally. i could only do one thing.
that is ..put on a nice plastic glove.....and hope that the water did not leak over my glove..and fill my hand with poop water.
a little poop swimming pool was not welcome in my hand.
pulled it out. which ..i should have known..never works.

" but i pulled are you pregnant... "

so i flushed..and there it went...hello over flow..
poop water splashin on the floor.
days like this. let me tell you. i live for them...i bottled up that poop water to use as
a beautiful face wash for later.
if sperm works.
than digested food should work just as well<3.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

water poop.

sometimes i have to crap. and can not.
actually. i have told the doctors i am super irregular and i know the proper diet while drinking water would help out with that..except - i hate drinking water. disgusting.
instead. i would rather shove water up my butt hole than shove it down my mouth.
it is going into a hole. just probably not the usual one.


now that we all know what kind of things i enjoy ;) we can continue.
just kidding. i do not like anal play. 
do not poke me in the rear. i thank you in advance.
i have a bottle. yes. i reuse this bottle. you see ...the , whatever is in an enema, hurts the stomach.
it might break down the crap but...i prefer no stomach ache. if i am going to have a stomach will be because..

i ate this. three times in one day. it will not be because i shoved chemicals up my butt hole... hoping to make my hard poops into hot i can finally eat a banana split. ya hear me. 
instead. here comes the good part.
i reuse the same enema bottle. over and over again.
i put it back into the box. and put it under the sink. where it lives until the next time .

if i think about is quite disgusting. i keep putting this nozzle up my crapper that has had crap all around it. 
but i like it.

my stomach hurts. i enter the bathroom.
take my pants off. fill my bottle with nuke warm water..
bend over and insert.
take it out and..


a nice poop surprise on every end. that is how i know to think..
"woooftaa. good thing i am doing this now..i might have actually pooped by  myself in an hour"
team work.
i wipe off that end after smelling it.
no. i do not smell it. 
i give it a taste

"SEWAGE. just as i expected."
i fill it back up with water. squeeze it into my butt hole.
fill it back up with water. and again. squeeze it into my butt hole.
yep you got it.

three bottles of water. 24 ounces...all up in my butt hole.
the challenge. 
holding it all in without any of it dripping down my leg.

as a matter of fact.
i generally hope poopy water does not drip down my leg. i think it might fall onto the white rug.
sometimes i have so much poop inside..that three bottles is a little much.
and it squirts out my butt hole. and i squirm to hold it in.
but i am usually successful.
and after a few minutes goes by.
if all of the water has not dripped down my leg.
i sit on the toilet. spread my cheeks.
grab the mirror that i have placed on the counter sink so i can watch my poop stream out of me.
and place that mirror in front of my crotch.
angle it right.
and let it gooooo.

i am unsure why i enjoy watching crap fall out of my behind.
but i enjoy it. 
maybe you will see me on that show where people sleep with blow driers and eat couch cushion.
keep your eyes open.


Saturday, November 27, 2010

opps. there go my knickers

i have not pooped in four an issue..a HUGE issue.
so i resolved that issue..right quick.

8PM - laxatives. + 40 oz of water.

1030PM - a nice jog...let me rumble up all those goodies.
1035PM - i killed my jogging partner with the farts steaming out my butt hole.

i have owned that red hat with the face on it.. + braids == since the age of 3. i can such a delicious smell come out of my butt hole when i have such a caute hat ...i think about that every morning i masturbate

that is what your butt hole looks like when it farts..if you are a girl. i say girl because i drew a vagina.

VAA GINNNNN AAAAAAAAAAA. i like saying it like that.

that is what a dude looks like when he farts. the butt hole smiles.. i have seen it happen.
i go to stomach is in rumbles..i am like...tomorrow morning will be a great one.
it will probably be like a gospel church in my stomach...
yeah..just the thought of that makes me smile.
aww. yep.

i get up to go pee. do not see what happened?

that brown mark. i think it is a poop smudge.
after i saw it..since my knickers were already off..since that is how i crap. no pants. no knickers.
i smelled it.
tasted it.
i just could not tell.
it tasted like thanksgiving dinner to me.
so after i peed..i kept thinking..great..if i go back to bed...will i wake up with a puddle of poo.
so i went back to bed to test my experiment.
hoping i would be swimming when i woke up..

so i woke up and...

who wants to come over for a party?

it felt so good. so good that i took the mirror out of the drawer
and watched each drop shoot out of my butt.
everyone should get a joy watching their own sludge drip.

fondu party any one;)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

drippN phlegm

as i sit here and cough up giant hard booger balls stuck in my chest..that taste disgusting.
you know how you sometimes have to do that in the morning..
something is stuck in your throat..
so you are trying..with all your hack up the hard snot covered in contracting your throat...and trying push it up your throat..
and finally comes up..
and the like...the smell of someones breathe that has had their mouth closed for a month.
that is the brilliant taste i am speaking of.

i go back to the other day...
when this happened
boogers needed to go
so i spit them out in the trash..
except...they did not make as i saw my loogy drifting to the ground
because it drifted...since spit was still stuck to my lip
the next thing you know.
the janitor comes out in me..
and tries to catch the phlegm ball of hard booger loogy

ohyes. if you could be successful at catching your arm accidentally spit boogies in your bare hand.
why would you not want to try.
and as it dripped down my fingers i thought to myself..
this is gross.
i should have just spit directly into the trash can..because no one was around..for me to impress...
with my booger into the trash can aim.
the next time i am standing next to an attractive lady..i will try and shoot my loogy 4 feet into a garbage pale..
and when i make not be too impressed...since i practice;)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

poop bomb explosion

so yesterday i get to work..everything is going great!
why? because there are no kids in the is election day after all..only for big kids.
ohyes..BIG KIDS...meaning - you are potty trained....
or i would hope so.

as i walk passed the principal..he says to me....some woman made a little accident in the girls room....i am not sure how little it is...and i said..smiling, "alright, it is no big problem"..
and as i look over at the girls bathroom...fifty feet down the hall..i notice a woman..
dressed in all black...what a wonderful black satin looking jump suit...

i am like..BINGOOOO.
she is playing with her phone..probably telling everyone she knows about her "boo boo"
because after telling ANYONE about this...and admitting to actually leaving that "boo boo" there....she would probably tell everyone of this experience.

the moment i see her.
"oh baby, i am so sorry" - poop girl
"it is alright, this is my job!" - me
"mmm jesus, i made a boo boo" - her
"oh i am sure i have seen worse, it really is no problem" - me
"you have not seen what i did yet that is why you can say that" - her
"it is fine" - me
"i can help you clean it up if you want" - her
"it is fine! i really do not mind" - me
"mm baby, i made a huge boo boo..oh jesus, please forgive me...and it is just not in the one stall..i had to get up and run to the other stall.." - her

...good...because i would TOTALLY....while crapping my pants into another stall..hoping someone else did not just walk in the my vagina is blowing in the wind.. there is probably a caramel creme pie on top of my butt cheeks.

more accurate picture of what her vagina would look the wind
well. so here went nothing..i walk in..well this is not too bad...the smell is alright...
until i start checking random favourite
what do i see.
diarrhea....CRAP EXPLOSION. 
this is what must have happened..
oh my stomach hurts..
and pull down pants..and

yep. everywhere but inside...
pools..POOOOL. of poop. if you can imagine swimming in a thick delicious mmmm. while trying not to get anything in your mouth...than you know..exactly what i am talking about.
poop speckled onto the back wall...and blotted on each side of the stall walls...
a trail of crap along the toilet and all over the floor...
misted onto the toilet seat..
and my favourite..
a poool of crap along the back of the toilet..that i will now have the privilege of dolloping it off.
i wish i had a i could have is disgusting.

i just want everyone to know that ..had i done a public restroom. i probably would have cleaned it myself with the paper toweling in the washroom...and than i would have told someone that something smells and to disinfect something....that is what i would have done.

well lady. say your sorrys to jesus all you want..
his hands were currently tied up in doing something else.

let me not forget to add...
she left while looking back at me..after getting really close in my face..with her brown eyes..and when i say brown eyes..i mean...the whites were brown...
she says.." hunny, do i have anything on my pants"
and as i stare at her black satin tucas...i say..
"yes..there is a water spot about thissss big right on your butt hole"
and she said.."oh yeah..i did that ....myself."
and walks away....

i really did not say butt hole. but I WANTED TO.