brown thumbs DUN taste like chocOlataahh

i was just pooping. you know..my stomach was all up in rumbles..
probably do to that three pound bowl of ice cream i ate at 3am.
which is ALWAYS  a real stupid idea...especially for someone who is
SLIGHTLY...lactose intolerant.
actually. everyone is a little..
i think every food just gives me gas.
you know..before and after i used to eat anything..i would eat beanooo and gas x...
and than pop some lact aid.
oh these...just some drugs to keep me happy. ;)
poppN pills to keep everyone else no their toes.
"I thought reychl did not do drugs but i see her popping pills all the time"
DO YOU WANT ME TO FART ON YOUR FACE.
probably not.....

so i was [pooping]...and the inevitable happens

 

kinda like....

 

and i say kind of..because my poop is vegetarian..which means it really can at as a fertilizer...

mypoop == horse poop. DONE.

WHYYYY. did i have to have mushy pooop.

because now i have a solid thumb..with brown MUSHHYYY crap on it...

so i am like..whatever....but than my mind gets to thinking.

i should write about this..and as i was wiping and putting my pants back on..

yes...i do take off my pants while i crap.

it is so much better...remember..if you need to cannon ball..this is the easiest way to do so.

NO PANTS.

i forgot....like i need to really forget...

so now..only half the crap remains on my finger..and the other half?

we can pretend it is not on my pajamers...SOMEWHERE.

because i hate doing laundry....and i mean..it was not THAT much poop. :o)

but lucky for me..the smell is off my finger.

you know how sometimes..the smell remains on your finger for the longest time?

i am so glad it is not there..

you know what i actually end up doing?

 

you got it...

i usually put that thumb in my mouth and pretend that my saliva will take away the smell..

it usually does not taste like crap.

i...promise ;o)

i wash my hands before! daaaaaaaaaang.

and even though it rarely works..i still try it ..every time i still have poop thumb after sanitizing ze hands.

haha. i am like a dog who eats their poop.

and than wants a kiss.

MUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

coin slots lookN brown are sexiii

i just thought of this because well...the tag of my knickers was itching the top of my coin slot today.
i enjoy that term.
coin slot..mainly because lindsay lohans SNL skit..which was hilarious.
coin slot cream..for all those people whose butt cracks leak over their jeans..
OHHSHOOOOOT. sexi.

ohyes. so as the tag itched me...i was like..i am soo glad this is not itching the same time as my butt crack.
because when my hair grows back in the crack of my tucas.
it totally itches.
because well.. i have hair in my butt crack. but not anymore..
because i take it away from its natural habitat.
sooo longggg hair.

 

but than that got me thinking.

of the term... brown eyed monster.

NOT

the one eyed monster

THE  brown eyed monster

 

i tried drawing an eye in the butt hole. 

i give myself an A+.

and while thinking of that...i went into my bedroom..

dropped trow....bent over...and totally spread my butt cheeks ...hello brown eye..so nice to meet you.

i realized...wow..my butt crack is not that dark..i would never get my butt crack bleached..because it looks good to me. i have a fine looking crack of brownies.

not saying if your butt crack is dark..you should get it bleached..because i would not care.

i only care if you can clap that booty...if you can do that.

and those cheeks can gitty up in my face...DONE.

but than i saw my mole ..right inside my crack...and you know what THIS reminded me of.

peeing on my sister... in the bath when i was 7.

 

no worries. she got me back -

yep..you guessed it..she pushed me down the stairs naked ....

so what i am trying to get at is..

when your butt crack itches...it is probably because you have dried poop in your tucas crack ..because your sister placed it there while you were sleeping to get back at you when you pooped on her as a child.

dip and check. splash and catch

and by dip and check...i simply mean...

 

:o) you never have to be curious what you taste like again.

if you just taste yourself from the beginning<3.

DUUUNNHHHHHH.

and if you want to surprise your banging buddy and give them a laugh.

eat broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage and lots o' dairy :O) :O) :O)

make your vagina seem like a monster.

your vaginas a monster. ohhohhh. i can see this spin on a gaga song.

although i would rather gaga spin on me

or sit on me

or...

do not worry fellas. i will not leave you out.

 

get your aim on...and see what you want your partner to swallow - for your own selfish pleasure. ;)

mmm. i like selfish<3 

i hear scrotum sac smells like tacos....which is awesome. because a pussy is a taco...

so if a bag of balls is a taco...

it is like. ohh no...who am i having sex with. i have no idea.

it all looks and smells like a taco.

i am so confused.

you are so fun.

fun enough to go dip and check.

splash and catch.

BANGING YOURSELF TIME. is all the time.

this has nothing to do with poop

i am sure you have thought about something..and than realized..oh wow..i am stupid.
and if you have not done this.
you are clearly not thinking about much.
because i can not be the only person who is THIS amazing.

i will give you an example.
the other day...i was thinking about a high five.
yes..thinking about running up to some friends and leaping into the air...and having our wrists break from the impact of that high five.

and than it hit me.

BOOOOOOOOM

 

you ALWAYS give a high five HIGH.

and you always give it with your entire hand.

 that has five fingers...WHOLY CRAP.

a high...five...

please tell me i am not the only person to have thought of this..

at the age of 24...

unlesssss! it is like a hi hug! 

ohmy..is it like a hi five..like, instead of a verbal hi...it is a hand slap saying hi...so a hi ..with a hand..

now i am confused..

BACK TO STEP ONE IT IS.

i like moving big turds

you do not know anything about me...except well...that i am writing a blog about poop.

or maybe it is just coincidence that i am writing a blog about poop...and that those were not my original intentions...

MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT.

but.. maybe you are wrong:o)

i am a custodian at a high school. - for the time being. dAAAANNNG. super fun stuff.

so i clean washrooms. mmmm, what a delicacy . 

now - dood washrooms are gross. sure, they pee everywhere...because peeing on the floor is super fun.

they spit out their gum in the urinals..because well. they used cheerios growing up.

why not gum as a young adult.

but girls. girls are fabulous.

because you would EXPECT a girl...yes..because stereotypically...they do not fart or crap right.

they just spew blood from their vaginas...hopefully saving it monthly so they can use real blood instead of fake on hallowe'eenie.

anyways.

girls love not flushing the toilet.

and not just when they turd in it.

when they turd in a red pool of awesome.

nothing like going into a stall and seeing a huge turd....marinating in their period blood

 

sometimes...i even get a pad wrapper shoved underneath the poop. so i get to move the solid turd...to get the plastic pad wrapper..that they clearly did not want to crinkle up and put in the feminine waste container thing...located directly to their left or right.

no..they would rather put ANOTHER present inside the crapper.

so that..i thank you..

i do not even know why i am complaining about any of this...

BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST BEING SOOO GENEROUS. <3.

 

that is my poop stick. 

seriously though. 

i often times..want to take a sample of the crap..and from like. dna science junk..figure out who this is...and embarrass them. because - well, i hate them. :o)

so....how am i going to turn this into i have all the answers.

well...here it is.

EAT LESS PROTEIN GIRLFRAN.

eat more mcdonalds and cookies and candy bars..PLEASE.

i want your crap to come out liquid..so i do not have to put on my purple suit to decontaminate your butt hole droppings.