Wednesday, November 3, 2010

poop bomb explosion

so yesterday i get to work..everything is going great!
why? because there are no kids in the is election day after all..only for big kids.
ohyes..BIG KIDS...meaning - you are potty trained....
or i would hope so.

as i walk passed the principal..he says to me....some woman made a little accident in the girls room....i am not sure how little it is...and i said..smiling, "alright, it is no big problem"..
and as i look over at the girls bathroom...fifty feet down the hall..i notice a woman..
dressed in all black...what a wonderful black satin looking jump suit...

i am like..BINGOOOO.
she is playing with her phone..probably telling everyone she knows about her "boo boo"
because after telling ANYONE about this...and admitting to actually leaving that "boo boo" there....she would probably tell everyone of this experience.

the moment i see her.
"oh baby, i am so sorry" - poop girl
"it is alright, this is my job!" - me
"mmm jesus, i made a boo boo" - her
"oh i am sure i have seen worse, it really is no problem" - me
"you have not seen what i did yet that is why you can say that" - her
"it is fine" - me
"i can help you clean it up if you want" - her
"it is fine! i really do not mind" - me
"mm baby, i made a huge boo boo..oh jesus, please forgive me...and it is just not in the one stall..i had to get up and run to the other stall.." - her

...good...because i would TOTALLY....while crapping my pants into another stall..hoping someone else did not just walk in the my vagina is blowing in the wind.. there is probably a caramel creme pie on top of my butt cheeks.

more accurate picture of what her vagina would look the wind
well. so here went nothing..i walk in..well this is not too bad...the smell is alright...
until i start checking random favourite
what do i see.
diarrhea....CRAP EXPLOSION. 
this is what must have happened..
oh my stomach hurts..
and pull down pants..and

yep. everywhere but inside...
pools..POOOOL. of poop. if you can imagine swimming in a thick delicious mmmm. while trying not to get anything in your mouth...than you know..exactly what i am talking about.
poop speckled onto the back wall...and blotted on each side of the stall walls...
a trail of crap along the toilet and all over the floor...
misted onto the toilet seat..
and my favourite..
a poool of crap along the back of the toilet..that i will now have the privilege of dolloping it off.
i wish i had a i could have is disgusting.

i just want everyone to know that ..had i done a public restroom. i probably would have cleaned it myself with the paper toweling in the washroom...and than i would have told someone that something smells and to disinfect something....that is what i would have done.

well lady. say your sorrys to jesus all you want..
his hands were currently tied up in doing something else.

let me not forget to add...
she left while looking back at me..after getting really close in my face..with her brown eyes..and when i say brown eyes..i mean...the whites were brown...
she says.." hunny, do i have anything on my pants"
and as i stare at her black satin tucas...i say..
"yes..there is a water spot about thissss big right on your butt hole"
and she said.."oh yeah..i did that ....myself."
and walks away....

i really did not say butt hole. but I WANTED TO.

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